Choosing Depth Over Hustle: A Reflection On Grief, Identity, And The Quiet Work Of Becoming

Dec 23

Episode 05: Choosing Depth Over Hustle

This episode addresses the reality of moving through grief, how it often can feel heavy and unexpected. Listen if you’re craving depth as you navigate your own human experience. It will feel especially resonant if you struggle with being a high-achiever or feel like you need to constantly prove your worth.

Episode Summary

In this episode, I’m checking in and sharing honestly about a season that has been feeling heavy. I talk about what it has been like to move through grief that does not always have a clear trigger, and how sensitivity can feel both like a gift and a challenge. As the days grow darker and quieter, I reflect on the tension between wanting to feel less and realizing that feeling deeply is part of what makes life meaningful to me.

I share what recent experiences with numbness taught me about my relationship to emotion and presence, and why I am learning to honor the need for rest, slowness, and care during periods of deep inner change. This season has invited me to release old patterns around achievement, productivity, and proving my worth, and to trust that who I am is already enough.

This episode is a reflection on grief, identity, and the quiet work of becoming. It is an invitation to honor your feelings, notice the subtle ways you are moving forward, and allow yourself to live more deeply rather than more quickly.

Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Hello and welcome. Today, I want to check in with you and just share what's been going on with me and what's been kind of coming up. So let's get into it. I will say that over the last few weeks, life has felt really heavy for me. There's been lots of different kinds of grief experiences. And this one is definitely familiar, and it's one that can be kind of confusing to navigate because there's not necessarily an outward trigger or something like a memory or like intense sadness necessarily. It's more that I'm just carrying with me this heavy feeling where it just, it's hard to kind of get up and out of bed and everything just feels really hard. And I think it's a combination of grief and grief during a season that can be really family focused and really joy focused. And I'm not really having that experience necessarily. It's also that it's December and where I'm at, it's extremely gloomy and the days are short. The sun sets around 4, 4.30. And so the evenings are just really dark, and it adds to that heavy feeling. So life has been feeling really heavy. I feel like I've just been feeling everything. I kind of feel like I can sense every little bump, every wave, every little energetic blip, and it can be really overwhelming at times. I've definitely, over the last couple of weeks, have found myself feeling frustrated that I'm sensitive and wanting to kind of not feel as much, not feel as deeply. And that can be challenging when you're not able to hold compassion and acceptance for who you are. And there's a lot of gifts that come with sensitivity. And in this physical world, it can be a challenge as well. So I found myself just kind of wanting to check out, or just wishing that I could move through the world, move through my day-to-day without just feeling every little thing. You know, the intensity of being in traffic, or like going to the grocery store and feeling all of the stress and the chaos, or being really sensitive even to like the changes in the weather, and having kind of, you know, flare-ups with my skin. And it just is endless. The feelings are endless. And it's funny that I kind of was wishing that I could feel less, because a few days ago, I went through an experience where I woke up one morning, and I just kind of felt numb and checked out. And that lasted for a few days, where I just felt like not really in my body, and just kind of like, I couldn't really feel anything. Like, I knew that the heaviness was there. I knew that I was not feeling my best, and I also just kind of felt nothing at the same time. And what those few days of numbness taught me is that I don't want to live that way. I don't want to feel nothing, that I actually do want to feel deeply. And that's what it really means to be alive for me, is to just really, really get into the juicy parts of life and feel it all, feel the moon cycles, feel the chaos, feel the joy, the sadness, all of it. And I, when I kind of was able to move through that checked out feeling and kind of come back to this sensitive, deep feeling part of me, I could just see it in such a different way. And I don't know if I will ever kind of wish that I was different again. I feel like it really taught me like, wow, this is, this is in fact like what my soul asked for. And I'm so grateful that I am this way. So that was a little lesson that came to me this week. I think that part of the reason why everything's been feeling heavy and I've kind of just been craving slow, I've been really tired lately and just wanting to move less and just kind of be at home in my cozy safe space. And I think it's really because I'm going through a period of just deep letting go, deep shedding, kind of visiting some old patterns that are holding me back. And when you're going through this big energetic work, you may not have anything, you know, in your day to day, in your outside world, that you can point to as to like why you might be feeling tired, but know that your inner landscape is just as important. And all of this energetic work is, you know, is really important and valuable. And it requires like some deep support and self care, which can look like, you know, slowing down, resting more, just taking time away from the noise and the busyness and the chaos that's around us. And that's really where I'm at right now. I've been really thinking about what patterns in my life are no longer serving me. How do I want to show up as the new year begins, but also kind of as I'm heading into the one-year anniversary of my dad passing away, and these new roles that I may be stepping into, I really want to really be conscious of how I'm showing up to my life going forward. And I think sometimes that requires doing some reflection, looking back, thinking about, okay, like, what don't I want anymore, and how do I want to be? And so this feeling of grief is not just the grief of missing my dad, which I miss him so much. He was and is such an important person to me. So I'm grieving him. I'm grieving our relationship in the physical world. And I'm also grieving the person I used to be and the life that I had before this huge change and shift. And grieving our old identities, our previous versions, is really important. Those patterns we've developed, whatever we let kind of come through, that served us really well and got us to a certain point. And I think that the grieving process is really honoring where you've come from and how you're kind of moving on your journey. And I do think it's really valuable and important to take time to just kind of grieve, maybe that version of yourself or that identity that you used to hold. I remember when I was going through the process of closing my jewelry company, I really, it felt like losing a part of myself. And I really did have to sit and just grieve that and let go of not only what I created but the person it required me to be. And I think throughout that process when I was like journaling, I did, I wrote kind of like a eulogy for that part of me, and I really wanted to honor her. And I think that can be really cathartic and a great way to kind of release and to capture that moment in time. This time around, as I kind of let go, it feels a little bit more nuanced. There is that very distinct before and after with my father's death, but also the changes. Some of the changes came really quickly and intensely. But also there's kind of this more nuanced shifting that's happening. It almost feels kind of like the tide, the tide coming in or going out, and you're just getting those little waves. And slowly, you know, the water gets closer and closer to the shore, or slowly it moves further and further away from the shore. And that's kind of the phase that I feel like I'm in right now of like, little things will pop up and be here for a moment, and I kind of can work through it and lay it to rest, and then the next thing will pop up. And I know that all of these patterns coming up, all of these experiences are shaping me into this, whatever this next version of me that's unfolding. One of the biggest pieces I'm being called to let go of is really my ego and this sense that my value is placed on what I do or what I achieve. And that is something that has been driving me for forever, for as long as I can remember. And it feels both really right and true to let that go. And I can recognize that that mechanism isn't serving me anymore. I will not get to where I want to go by doing more, hustling, busying myself, giving more. That's just not where I'm going. I really, in this next version, want to, one, see myself as my own person and see that I am in hold, that I am just inherently worthy as I am. And it doesn't matter, you know, what I achieve, if I have a really amazing, flashy career, or if I don't do anything. And so that's what I've been, one of the things I've been really working through is just kind of letting go of this idea of like, hustle, do more, create more, push more, make things go faster. And I'm trying to just settle in and say to myself, you know, hey, success is just doing what you love and showing up to the projects and the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. So that's kind of what I'm wanting to take with me as we move forward is just this idea of living really richly, of showing up to what's important to me, and letting go of this proving, achieving energy. Because to be honest with you, it's pretty exhausting, and I don't recommend it. I think, too, that focusing on achieving and doing and producing and creating, it doesn't really align with the desire to live on a deeper level, to experience all of the deep, juicy feelings. Like those two things cannot really coexist. That hustling, achieving energy, to me, feels very surface level, which is, you know, I'm not placing a judgment by saying it's surface level or superficial at all. It is one way of being, and I know that my path is to dive deeper. And it's so, just so magical and aligned that it's coming up now. So a little bit of a tangent. Every year, I do a tarot spread around my birthday, where I pick a card for each month, and then a card that represents the overall theme of the year for me. And I looked last week at what my card was for the month of December. And it's the whale card from the Wild Unknown deck, which I love that deck so much. It's a really approachable way to enter into tarot. And I just love all of the animals and descriptions. The author has also put in kind of what it looks like when this card is in balance, what it looks like when the energy is out of balance, and how you can bring it into balance. And so last week, I looked at what my card was, just being like, oh, I wonder what's for December. And I pulled the whale card, which is all about this desire to dive deeper. It's about finding kind of profound peace and tapping into ancient wisdom. And in the description, it talks about kind of not being afraid of emotional expression or traversing difficult circumstances or needing to overcome challenges. It's this card that holds like a deep wisdom and a deep peace and doesn't fear the future or difficulty. And it just has this beautiful calm and power to it. And I just thought, wow, like, this is so timely. It feels like this is exactly where I'm at and what I'm craving. And I just love when I get those little reassurances, that, yes, there is something outside of myself that I'm connected to that is guiding me. And also with this card to bring into balance, it says regular self-care, which is exactly what I've been talking about and said that that's kind of what is needed right now for me while I navigate all of this heaviness. So it just felt like that card really just tied everything up in a neat little bow, and yeah, that's kind of, that's my update for you. I'll leave you with a few reflections that I'm taking with me in case you might find them helpful. So the first one is everything you're feeling has value. Whatever it is that's coming up for you, it's meant to, and it's valuable, and so important to feel it. So it's okay to take time to just feel your feelings. The second one is connection is everywhere. I think when we allow ourselves to be open, we may find that there's connection in unexpected places. You might have a really nice conversation with someone at the grocery store, or you might run into a neighbor, or you might feel really connected to nature on your walk or whatever it is. Just know that there's opportunity for connection everywhere. And the last one is you're always moving forward. Even when you don't think you are, every experience, every moment is propelling you forward on your path. So just know that and trust that. And if you'd like to explore the themes coming into your life or you need some support navigating an in-between season, I just invite you to consider the Shoreline Sessions. So the Shoreline Sessions are a private coaching container where we meet weekly for six months as you navigate your next becoming. The greatest transformation often comes from subtle shifts in perspective, getting curious about what may lie beneath the surface, and having the space to regularly check in with your inner landscape. So if any of this resonates with you, I would encourage you to schedule a clarity reading with me. You can find more information about the Shoreline Sessions and how to book a clarity reading on my website at kimkogane.com. That's www.kimkogane.com. And lastly, if you're enjoying the Shoreline podcast, I would invite you to leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. This will help more people find the Shoreline, and it helps me feel more connected to you. So thank you so much for being here, and I hope you take good care while the waves carry you closer. Your next version is already waiting on the shore.
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to share The Shoreline Sessions with you. The Shoreline Sessions are a one-on-one private coaching container where we meet weekly for six months. I'm sharing this because as we close out the year and start to look ahead, you might be wondering what's next for you. I'm offering free clarity readings for anyone who might be interested or just feeling called to kind of explore where you're at right now and what you might want to call in next. Those clarity readings are a short tarot reading, and then we can kind of talk about what sessions could look like together. If you're interested in learning more about The Shoreline sessions or booking a clarity reading with me, you can go to my website, www.kimkogane.com. That's www.kimkogane.com. Hello and welcome. If this is your first time listening, I'm so glad you found me and I'm so glad you're here. And if you're returning, I'm really happy that you came back. Today, I want to share with you something that feels really, really vulnerable and kind of scary to share. You know, I'm very much in a season of transition, which is really what The Shoreline is all about. And part of that transition is kind of deciding where I'm going next and what I want for kind of the next phase of my life, the next iteration of of my career. For those who are new, I started a jewelry company when I was 24, and I built that for 10 years, and I decided to close it in 2020. And since then, I've kind of been in a season of trying things, exploring, really figuring out what's next. And I hadn't really landed on one kind of path until, really until I was hit with losing my dad and going through an intense amount of grief. And grief is one of those things that really, it forces you to get really clear on what's important to you. And everything else, that's kind of like a maybe or a half-interest or whatever it is, it all just kind of falls away. And from this season of grief that I'm in, I was able to get really clear on what I feel called to do and what I want to build in my career. And that's really to share my voice and to share stories with the world. And that's kind of how I landed on bringing the podcast back. It felt really right and important, even if it feels sometimes difficult to show up to or scary because I'm not sure what I'm going to say or what's coming out. But it feels really right. And the other part of sharing my voice, the sharing the stories, is that I want to write novels. And in fact, I'm working on my first novel, and I have been for a few years. And I don't think that I've shared that here because it's something that feels really tender for me. And it's something that I've never done before, and I'm kind of just fumbling my way through. So let's go back to kind of how that came to be. About, I want to say like three-ish years ago, I was part of an online writing group. And up until that point, I really had focused on writing stories about my life, writing kind of pieces, essays that were meant to inspire others or help others in some way. I'd never really ever intended to write fiction. I thought like eventually, I would write some sort of book that was in the memoir space. So I was in this writing group and we were kind of doing quiet writing time and I was feeling really stuck on what to write next. I had worked on a guided journal and completed that. And I was like, okay, like, what am I going to work on? Like, where am I meant to go? And these characters kind of came to me. And it really just was a moment that struck me of like, oh my gosh, I've never tried to write fiction, but it's something that's like really intriguing to me. So I spent some time really developing the characters and getting to know them and trying to see like, okay, who are they? What stories are they bringing to me? And from there, I was able to kind of create a rough outline of the story. And from there, I started drafting, and I wanted to complete my first draft. I got probably, I want to say like a third of the way through, and I realized that I needed to go back to my outline and kind of make it a little bit more detailed and just dive a little bit deeper into the story. It felt like I didn't have all of the pieces yet. So I stopped the first draft and I started working on the outline again and got it to a really detailed, great place and then started drafting my first draft for the second time. And that's where I'm at now. And this is something that I've really worked on sporadically, and I've gone for months at a time without even thinking about it. But the characters just keep coming back to me. Like if I don't sit down and write and visit the story, they'll start to come to me in my dreams, or I'll hear bits of dialogue on a walk, or I'll kind of feel into the pain or the struggle of one of the characters. And so it's something that's really kind of woven itself into my life. And I think it feels scary to share because I've never written a novel before. I don't really know what my process is. And a lot of times, I feel like an imposter. And I've been really inconsistent with it up until now. And I wasn't really sure if it was something that could ever come to be. And the reason I'm sharing is because it's something that's really important to me, but also it just feels like the right time to kind of bring this to life and to really say like, this is what I want for myself. I want to write these stories. I have other stories that are kind of calling to me as well. And in a lot of ways, this career path makes so much sense. I don't know if you're familiar with The Artist's Way at all, but The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, it's one of those kind of staples for creatives and for artists. And in that, she talks about kind of, I think she calls it like the shadow artist or the shadow career. And very much so, jewelry was that for me. I never intended on having a creative career, but it kind of found me, and my jewelry company made a lot of sense because it was creative, but it also was like a business, and I could, you know, root myself in being an entrepreneur, and that made sense. But it also was that, it was a place for me to hide, so I didn't have to face this part of me that really wanted to be a writer, because I could say, hey, look, like, I'm a creative, I'm making things, I'm being artistic. So it was kind of that shadowy place for me to hide, and when that went away, you know, I was really forced to really sit with, sit with myself and what I wanted next. And in this transition time, I was really able to use a lot of the skills I developed in jewelry to keep going and to keep trying different things. And, you know, what I've learned through this space of being in grief is that, you know, there's a lot of things I could do, but there's only one thing I really want to do, and that's to share my voice, to share on here, to write and share the stories of my characters, and also to kind of guide people through these transition periods, through complexity, through this liminal space. It's something that feels like a true calling to me. Anyway, so I'm not sure how much of the actual story I want to share before it's done. I might continue to share my process, if that's of interest to you. But I just wanted to kind of call out that it's something I'm working on, and something I'm really committed to. And as we kind of look ahead into the future to a new year starting, you know, the one year anniversary of my dad passing is coming up. I'm really ready to call in what's next, and I want to look forward. And part of that is like building this next phase of my career and pursuing, you know, a writerly life and pursuing a career in writing. And I'm not sure what it's going to look like, but I want to take the steps anyway. And I think that's something that's a really important part of how we grow and evolve. You know, when you're in transition, when you're in an in-between space, you kind of have to let go of the shore that you're at and kind of go out to see without really knowing what's next. You have to step into the unknown and just trust that the path will reveal itself without having all of the pieces in place. That's part of the process. And, you know, you go through that phase of really letting go of what's comfortable, and you have to grieve whatever it is you're releasing. And then you're kind of like in that true in-between, where you're almost in just like a freefall, right? Like you can't see where you once were, but you're not really sure who you're becoming or what's coming up next. And you're really just in that juicy in-between, and you get to play, you get to explore. And as uncomfortable as it is to be in that space, it kind of becomes comfortable, and you get to embrace that there are so many possibilities that you get to explore. And then there comes a time where you're so comfortable in that space, and you realize it's time to move on. Maybe you have a moment of clarity, or you feel that spark, and you have to move forward. And I feel like that's a little bit where I am right now of like, okay, I see the vision. I have my north star of what I want. Now it's time to really go after it. And that can be really scary. I think it's scary to let go of what's comfortable, to say I've outgrown this version of me or this version of my life, and I'm going to leave what's good in pursuit of something, and I'm going to leave what's good in pursuit of something better. I think it's hard to be... I mean, all of the phases can be hard. But there's something really scary about calling in what you truly want and what your heart desires. And I think that we don't allow ourselves that opportunity to really express and share what our dreams are. And it's important. Even if they never come true, I think it's important to share them anyway and to say, like, this is what I want, especially in the career space. I think, like, when we're younger, you know, when you're a kid, people ask you, adults will ask you all the time, like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Like, what do you want to do when you're supposed to know? And then we stop asking ourselves that. And I think we should start asking again, because whatever it is that's calling to you that you can't let go of, it's there for a reason. I feel that deep in my soul, I, you know, as much as I never really intended to be a writer, it makes so much sense. Books have been my comfort and my escape for my entire life. Like I grew up reading so often, and I always had a book with me, and it felt like when the world was confusing or hard or scary, like I could always escape to a book. I could retreat into a story. The characters felt like comforting friends, and it's something that I continue to do now. I love reading a good book, and stories are so important to me. You know, like, why not go after that, right? And it does feel... It feels scary. I think I've said that probably 20 times now, but it's something that, you know, I don't yet know how to write a novel. I mean, I can conceptualize it. I can take classes. I can do my research, but everyone's process is unique, and I don't know what it looks like for me to sit down and write a novel yet. That's part of the discovery. But it doesn't mean I shouldn't show up to it, even when it's hard, even when I don't want to. And I think that the more I show up to it, the better it will become. And I think, more importantly, the more I'll feel fulfilled and aligned to my path. So sometimes you do just have to kind of take that leap without fully knowing and trust that you'll figure it out as you go. And who knows what will come from this pursuit, from this path. You know, maybe it'll be a dead end, and I'll see it through and scrap it. Maybe it'll lead me somewhere else, but I just have to trust that this is what I'm being called to right now. And it feels really exciting to share it with you, even when it feels a little bit vulnerable and it's something that is just, so tender to me. So I hope that you found this interesting. And yeah, if you want to know more about my writing and my process and how this story is evolving, just let me know because I'm happy to share more. I'm not sure what parts you might find interesting. But yeah, I'm open and I hope that you allow yourself to dream and to pursue those things that are really close to your heart and share them. Share them with those who are close to you, with strangers. You never know how sharing might shift. You know how you see yourself or how your path might evolve. So I would just encourage you to share what you're feeling called to as well. And that's really all I have for you today. I hope that you take good care while the waves carry you closer and know that your next version is already waiting on the shore.
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Hello, and welcome to today's episode. I want to explore magic and meaning as it relates to life. So, let's get right into it. I'm wondering if anyone's ever told you, you know, when you're going through a hard time, everything happens for a reason. I feel like that's something that can come up a lot, and it's something that I've experienced, you know, when I've been faced with adversity or difficulty in my life. And while that may be true, yes, everything happens for a reason. You can subscribe to that. I think it's less about, do you believe in that or do you not believe in that, and more about our natural inclination as humans to want to assign meaning to our existence. I think that's just an inherent part of what it means to be a human being. We want to believe that there is a deeper meaning to all of this. Or maybe you don't. I feel like I've definitely, when I was younger, I went through a phase where I was like, no, everything doesn't happen for a reason. Life is without meaning. Everything is just a coincidence. And you wake up, you get through the day, and then you do that over and over, and then it's over. And that is one school of thought, yes. And what I noticed when I was kind of in my phase of meaningless, random existence, I was unhappy. It wasn't exciting to feel that. And where I'm at now is like, I want to feel as much of joy and enchantment in my life as I possibly can. And, you know, I won't get into what your belief system is. And you can take this with a grain of salt and apply it to your own life or not as it relates to your belief system. But I kind of going back, like I do think it's important to give meaning to our lives and one way that we can do that is kind of by trying to bring in more magic and give it value. I think that's what I mean by creating meaning is like assigning value to some of what happens to us. And so what am I really talking about when I'm speaking about kind of magic and a magical life and enchantment? It's really that ability to connect to something greater than yourself. You know, it's that feeling of like going outside and like looking up at the sky and just feeling like awe and wonder and possibility and hope and just being able to kind of look out into the world and be like, wow, like there's, you know, what is this all about? Like, what am I meant to experience? And a lot of those feelings are ones that we were quite easily able to experience when we were younger. It's, you know, children really have like a natural curiosity and imagination. I can remember when I was a kid, I really didn't need, you know, that much stimulation. Like, I could go outside and give me a pile of dirt and I could tell you a whole story about it. And that ability, that curiosity, that creative thinking, it is available to us even in adulthood. And so when I'm speaking about magic, I'm just speaking about that, that ability to connect to something outside of ourselves, but also from within and to believe in some sort of higher power or just in that connection beyond just you. And then also that capacity to be imaginative, to be curious. And that really, really starts with creating that for ourselves. We have to create an environment where that can be cultivated. And so where I've kind of noticed that magic shows up for me, it really is in nature. And where this all kind of began and what got me thinking was like when I was out on a walk with my dog, Koshi. And our walks are really special. They started as a way for us to spend quality time together and for me to feel like I was closer to Koshi and to kind of get to know her world. And they've definitely evolved into something more. The biggest gift with Koshi is that she requires like pure presence from me. So when it's time for our daily walk, I put my phone away. I don't wear headphones and we just really go out and explore and it's her time. I let her lead and I just kind of observe like what's important to her, what inspires her. Lately, she's been really into getting all of the different smells and kind of getting her updates in the neighborhood. And it's through my attention and my presence with Koshi that I've been able to expand my capacity beyond that. So at the heart of our walks, it's still spending time together, getting outside, observing what is important to Koshi, what she's naturally drawn to. But then through that, I've been able to kind of expand and look at my surroundings and think about like, okay, like what is important to me? Like, what do I want to take in? And how can I feel connected to my surroundings? And so through our walks, I've been really able to, you know, get to know different flowers and like, look at the trees and how the seasons change. And, you know, sometimes we look for like, the different wildlife. I'll look at birds or squirrels or whatever it is. And the exciting part is that like, I get to create my own meaning to what I'm seeing. So I believe in signs, not coincidences. And I love to kind of look for patterns in nature. So whether that be seeing the same flower, seeing like an animal over and over, like I think it's really a fun way to kind of bring in that element of like magic, of surprise, like kind of like you're going on like a personal treasure hunt. And with these kind of like personal treasure hunts, there's a few things going on. On a somatic level, it's allowing me to kind of soothe my system by taking in what feels good, what feels nourishing. In my somatic training, we talk about that kind of our natural human instinct to look at what's wrong. It's called the what's wrong attention, and it's like built into how we're wired. And what's kept us kind of surviving for so long is to like constantly be looking for what's wrong, what's threatening, and it's we're just really hardwired for that. And it takes conscious effort to take in what's good. And I think it's great that we have this hardwiring system that we're built for survival. And I think we've evolved to a place where that doesn't need to be our primary focus. And we can kind of shift to start taking in more nourishing experiences. So on a somatic level, when I'm going on these walks, I'm really focusing on what engaging my senses, like what is joyful for me personally? What flowers do I like to look at? What does it smell like after it rains? What sounds am I hearing out in nature? All of these things, and I'm helping to kind of soothe my nervous system and like relax my body by taking in the good, by focusing my attention on what is good and nourishing. So that's what's happening in one sense. And then I think on a level deeper, it's also looking for these patterns, and through these patterns, we're able to kind of, it's almost like communicating with nature, with the universe, with our guides, whatever it is that you believe, like looking for these kind of repeated patterns are a great way to cultivate that relationship with whatever it is that you believe exists outside of yourself. And that's where really kind of the magic starts to come in, is when you assign meaning to what you're seeing, it brings that, it kind of brings it all to life. It brings that level of enchantment and delight and unknown and a little bit of like that mysticism. And, you know, that's where you can really, really feel yourself start to expand and elevate and just allow yourself to connect more to possibility. I think it's believing in magic or creating these magical moments, assigning meaning to what we're seeing or experiencing. It really allows us to think and create goals and visions beyond what we see as possible right now. And then slowly, what we didn't think was possible becomes possible. It also allows us to kind of dream and think more creatively. When you start to look for patterns out in the world, you're teaching your mind to think in a different way, to think in a non-linear way. And I think that's important. So, you know, there's a few different things happening. You're like soothing your system somatically. You're looking for patterns. You're communicating with your intuition, with your guides, with your surroundings, whatever it is. And then you're also like kind of building that trust with yourself and your path. I used to think that I kind of wanted to know how my life was going to go. Like, growing up, I was a chronic, read-ahead type of person, where if I didn't like what was happening in a book, I would just read ahead to see what happens. And then I would go back and like read it and be like, okay, like, it's all going to end the way that I want, or it's not going to end the way that I want, so I'm not going to finish reading it. And that's really not how life works, you know? You may know that you're going to go on a hike. You may know what this, you know, the end point will be, what you're looking for. But you don't know how many switchbacks there are going to be. You don't know when there are going to be hills, when you're going uphill or you're winding through the forest or whatever, wherever you're going. Like, that's kind of part of why you're going on a hike, is to experience the path. And you know your ultimate end point, but you don't really know how you're going to get there. And that's really like how, to me, how life is meant to be lived. Like you may have a greater vision or an end goal, but you're not really meant to know how to get there, and maybe why you're going the way you're going. And yet, our minds are built to always ask how and why. I think that's the biggest growth point that I work on in coaching is my desire to know why I'm doing something and how I'm going to get there. And I think that these practices of allowing kind of more magic into our lives is a way to kind of let that go and say like, okay, I don't need to know how and why. And I have these practices in place where I look for little bits that remind me that yes, I trust myself. I soothe myself and my nervous system by taking in what's good and nourishing. And it's fun. It's joyful. It brings a lightness to the everyday. So every day, it gets to be different, and you don't kind of fall into a space of predictability. And I think that's really important. It's great to be, you know, routine-based and to have habits. I'm a very consistent, routine person, and yet I want surprises. I want to go on a little treasure hunt. I want to see beyond what keeps me grounded and stable. I don't know if this is making any sense to you. I'm feeling a bit rambly, and yeah, I'm trying to give myself grace as I get back into sharing again, and I'm just showing up to this medium that is somewhat familiar, but there's lots of room for improvement. So maybe this has kind of been a winding path, and I wasn't really sure how we were going to get to where we were going, which I guess is just a really great metaphor to everything I've been talking about. And so I think before we kind of close, I want to talk about the ways in which magic can show up in our lives and what you can do to kind of invite more of it in. And I think for me, the biggest ways are what I already shared, connecting to nature and looking for signs and patterns, and then through angel numbers or aligned numbers. If you don't know what those are, they're just like a pattern of numbers. So an angel number is like 111222333 and so on. And they can also be patterns. Aligned numbers could be like 12125757, or maybe you just are really drawn to one specific number, and you look for that out in the world, and what it might mean to you. I think that's one way that I make driving more exciting because I really like hate being in the car, and I hate having to like drive around places. But I always look for aligned numbers on license plates, like on the car in front of me or on store signage or just out in the world. And I think it's just a really fun way. I think of it as a little nudge to like, oh, keep going, or a little hello, or just like, let's make this more fun. And it doesn't have to be deeper than that. It doesn't have to be like, oh, I saw 111. Everything is aligned and I need to document this. It can just be like, oh, I saw this, and it was really fun and exciting to see. And then I spoke a lot about how it shows up in nature. And I think it's fun to kind of create patterns for yourself, like, okay, like, what does it mean when I see this specific plant? Or, you know, maybe I'm really into spirals. And so I'm going to look for spirals out in the world, whether it's like on a sign or somewhere in nature. And like that means I'm on the right path or I'm working towards my vision or whatever meaning it is like you want to assign. Like that's the beauty of being human and having free will is that we get to decide what these things mean to us. And I think that's an important part of the conversation of like going back to what I said at the beginning, that everything happens for a reason. It's not like this, I have no agency in my life and like everything is just already decided. It's like you get to know, you get to create why something was meaningful, why a certain event had an impact on your life. And it's the same for these signs that you're looking for or magic. It's like, what does it mean to you? And why is it important to you? And how does it impact you? And everything happens for a reason can be like, oh, like this experience I had really shaped me into who I am now. And I'm really grateful for that because I like who I am now. Or I'm really happy with my growth and where I'm headed. And so I want you to maybe think about what magic do you want to create in your life? And what does that look like for you? Maybe it's the same as me and you want to go on walks and engage with nature, or maybe you engage with nature in a different way. Maybe you find magic through art or cooking or whatever it is. I really would encourage you to kind of think about what areas of your life could use a little magic and what are you looking to create and how can you tap into some of that imagination and possibility that maybe you felt at other points in your life. Because I think we all could use a little more magic and wonder in our lives. So I'll leave you there today. And I hope you take good care while the waves carry you closer. Your next version is already waiting on the shore.
UNKNOWN · UNKNOWN
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Hello, and welcome to today's episode. Today, I want to talk about my journey with Tarot. So, lately, I've been kind of falling back in love with my Tarot practice, with my cards, and I thought it would be a really great time to just kind of share my journey and where I've been and kind of what's unfolded with the cards. So, in order to kind of start my Tarot journey, we'll go all the way back to 2017. I remember a friend at the time, I was over at her house and she had a set of Tarot cards, and I was vaguely familiar with Tarot, but I had never done a reading, I'd never had a reading done, and she was really excited about kind of sharing this particular deck and doing a reading for me and one of our other friends. And so she did a spread, and we were kind of going through the journey of that spread and going through the cards. And I just remember feeling just so seen, and like my, what I was going through at the time had just been so well summarized and articulated. And it just was really comforting to kind of see the cards reflect back to me what I had been feeling and what I had been going through. So after that experience, I bought a set of those cards, and I started to just play around and get to know the deck. And traditionally with tarot cards, you're not supposed to buy cards for yourself. They're supposed to be a gift from someone else. But I'm not really a super traditional person. And so I just really felt strongly that I wanted to buy the cards for myself and kind of get to know this medium and this practice. And so I really just dove in. I was so excited about it that I spent a lot of time at home just like shuffling through the cards, picking them, not necessarily doing like a proper reading or a spread, but just seeing what card would come out and reading about it in the guidebook and I just really wanted to like dive in to getting to know this deck. And one of the best things that I did in order to kind of learn all the cards was to create kind of like a journaling practice with it. So every day, I would pick a card and I would read about it. I would kind of write down the highlights of what it meant. And then I would just journal about like, did I feel like it was accurate? How is this applying in my life? And over time, picking cards day after day, I started to notice some patterns of like, I would pick sometimes I would pick the same card like two or three days in a row because that's really what I was going through. And I noticed like there were cards I would never see. And so it was really fun to kind of see the different themes and patterns that popped up. While I was kind of getting to know the deck, I also really was just excited to like share it because it really had a profound impact on my life. So I started to just bring my cards everywhere with me. And I would try to do readings for anyone who wanted them. It started with, you know, close friends to then like friends of friends. I remember even just like going and sitting at the bar by where my jewelry store was. And like I would even just do cards for, do readings for strangers or like let them pick a card. And it was just like really fun. And it was a really like easy way to connect with people. And it wasn't anything that I ever saw myself doing professionally or getting paid for. And I didn't even really seek out reading for others. It always just was a practice that I allowed people to come to me. I allowed it to be really flowy and it has been really flowy always. And yeah, it's just something that has always just brought me such joy and excitement to share with others. So a few months into, you know, me getting my first deck back in 2017, one of my friends invited me to go to an event with her. And it was, I thought it was just like a brunch gathering at one of her friend's homes, but I think it turned out to be like a beauty counter, like, sell makeup party, which isn't really important. But so I went there and she was like, oh, you should bring her tarot cards because, you know, some people there might want to reading. And I was like, sure. And in my mind, I was just kind of doing what I was always doing, or just bringing the cards with me. If friends or someone wanted to reading, or we wanted to bring the cards out, we would. But at this event, it was really interesting because it ended up kind of being my first foray into public readings. I got my cards out and the host of the event kind of announced that if anyone was interested in tarot, I would do readings. And then I kind of found a little corner space and set myself up. And then all of a sudden, everyone at the party just lined up for readings. And it was pretty wild. It turned into this very formal thing where I was sitting down and really getting practice and doing these formal readings for others. And at the end of the event, everyone kind of like pooled together and gave me some money for my time. And they were just because they were really grateful for the experience, not because I asked. And that was my kind of first ever paid tarot event. And it was completely unexpected. I was still so new to doing readings. But now as I kind of reflect back, I'm like, oh, wow, that really was kind of a seed planted into kind of where I'm at now. So fast forward a few years, you know, I've been doing tarot. I've gone on kind of like a pretty significant spiritual journey. Tarot is really integrated into my life. Like I do an annual spread for myself. I like go to the cards when I need guidance. I have friends who come to me. And then a couple of years ago, it was actually my sister's hairstylist. She was hosting an event at her salon, and she asked me if I wanted to do readings at the event. So I, you know, I thought it would be fun. I love doing tarot. I was a little bit nervous because this was kind of my first really paid event. And I had done tarot readings here and there for people where I charged them, but I had never really done like a big formal event where I'm like showing up as a tarot reader. And you know, that's like part of the main event. So this was a couple of years ago, and it was just such an interesting experience. So I didn't have anyone sign up in advance. I just kind of like set up a table, very similar to that event I went to back in like 2017. And you know, I offered 15 minute readings, and it was just kind of like whoever wanted one would just kind of show up and flow to me. And I was booked pretty much the whole evening. There were no like lulls, and it was really interesting to see who was kind of curious and who showed up. And there were some really amazing readings, and I just felt so excited and so full at the end of the experience, being able to kind of help people who were going through something or who weren't sure what was next. And I think that was like the first seed of like, oh, maybe there's something to this. Like I started to notice that like everyone who kind of came to me for guidance was in kind of like this, I don't know, I've let go of something and I'm not sure what's next. And that's kind of where the seeds of like the in-between season, the shoreline, all of this kind of came to be. But I didn't know it yet. And so then recently, through this hairstylist, she referred me to the owner of a jewelry store and kind of out of the blue, I got this text of like, hey, do you want to read Tarot at this event at a jewelry shop? And so I connected with the store owner. She was hosting kind of a witchy magical event where people could make little wish bottles. I was reading Tarot. She has a lot of like antique jewelry at her shop. So she was offering jewelry cleansings for anyone who wanted to take these vintage pieces and kind of like, you know, re-give them a reset and cleanse them. So it felt really aligned. I went to the event and I just had such an amazing experience again. I felt like the readings were really impactful. And for the first time, I felt really unattached to the outcomes, which I would say out of like all of the work that I do, Tarot is where I am the most attached. I feel like I'm really just channeling the messages of what people need to hear. And I'm just kind of like a vessel and I'm just reading the cards. And I don't read the cards in a very traditional way. I kind of, I use my intuition a lot. And the cards are really just kind of like the jumping off point and like the point of connection. But it's more of like an energy reading or an intuition reading and kind of more of like an untraditional blend, if you will. And this event was really special because I left just feeling very, not only very fulfilled, but just like I felt very trusting and like whatever happened happened, I'm not going to overanalyze and wonder if someone had a good experience, a bad experience. Did I say too much? Did I say too little? Was it what they wanted it to be? I was just like, this was a perfect moment in time. It happened and I'm happy about it and I'm moving on. And I think like that was such a powerful moment for me because as a chronic over thinker and someone who is kind of a people pleaser, I just felt like such progress to be like, I just have such a deep sense of trust in the other person, in the cards, in myself, and that was exactly what it needed to be, and nothing more, nothing less, and that's great. I also kind of left that event really being able to see the potential of how Tarot and coaching can work together. I think that especially doing the kind of shorter readings I was doing, where I often was just doing a past-present future spread, it's really helpful to be able to see like someone's story so quickly and see like, okay, this is where they've been, this is where they are now, and this is kind of where they're going. And I think like it creates this beautiful conversation point between me and the other person, and then we can kind of dive deeper into like, okay, like what kind of support are you looking for on your journey? And as an intuitive guide, I can kind of see like, okay, this is where they're going, and this is how I could potentially support them and relay that information. So I left also just feeling really reassured in my private coaching program and what I've kind of laid out and kind of starting with that clarity reading, that tarot reading. And I just feel like tarot and coaching just work so well together because you can just so quickly tap into not only your higher self, but like your journey and get that higher level perspective. So I really want to incorporate more of the tarot, I think, into my coaching beyond just the initial clarity reading. I think it is a super helpful way to kind of get yourself out of whatever it is you're going through. One of my friends always calls it, her mom says, you have to get out of your own soup sometimes. And it's just like, get out of your own stuff and get a new perspective. And I feel like tarot is a great way to kind of like, get out of your own soup, if you will, or kind of like, see your soup from a different perspective that maybe you hadn't seen it like that before. I also think it's a really great way to really connect with and strengthen your intuition. On my tarot journey, I think that is kind of when my intuition really started to speak to me more, or I was just like more open to it, and I started to build that pathway. And so I think it is like being able to draw the cards and like infuse your energy into the cards. It's a really great tactile, tangible way to see your intuition working. Yeah, I just think in general, it's a really lovely tool. There are so many beautiful tarot and oracle decks out there. I've collected many throughout the years. Even though I always come back to the same two decks, the primary deck I use is the Wild Unknown Tarot deck. So it's that creator's play or take on the traditional tarot cards. And then I also use that same creator's Animal Spirit deck. And I like to kind of blend the two in my readings. I think that can be really fun. But they're the only cards that I really allow other people to kind of handle and touch. I think it's important to have, to kind of set those boundaries for yourself, because any person who comes into contact with your cards is going to kind of infuse their energy into it. And so those two decks are the two that I use for public readings. And they've seen a lot of people, and I just feel like they have that energy of being public-facing, whereas some of my other decks are really just for me. I also have some that I will do readings for, like, close friends. But I think, like, each deck kind of has its own personality and its own desires, and I just feel very strongly that it's important to honor that. And that's not to say that, like, every deck is going to feel the same. I think it's, like, the relationship that you create with your cards, right? Like, there's nothing to say that, like, maybe if you got the Wild Unknown Tarot deck, like, that would be your deck that you kept just for yourself. But I think because mine was the first deck that I bought and I was so open with it from the beginning, that it has allowed me to be really open with it. And it's also just such a great kind of neutral deck. I love all of the messaging in it. I love the illustrations. I feel like it's a very approachable deck. But yeah, I think it's important to kind of just find what works for you, find a deck that speaks to you, and it can be just a really wonderful tool to build your intuition and to create that space to reflect on your journey, to dive deeper into yourself, and to learn more about who you are and where you might be going. It's such a great tool for self-growth, self-reflection. And I think pairing it with a journaling practice can be really beneficial as well. I just learned so much, not only about the cards, but about myself through drawing a card every day and then writing about it. So yeah, I think they go really well together, that tarot and kind of being on a growth path, whether it be coaching or journaling or connecting to your intuition. I think for me personally as well, I am such a curious person, and I love to get to know people on a deeper level and like what makes them tick, what they're going through. That kind of mindset really lends itself well to tarot, or tarot really lends itself well to me because it's a space where I can do that, and I feel really honored and really privileged that people show up and open up to me. I think that it's so special. Every reading is so unique and so special, and I feel really grateful every time I get to do one, whether it's for a friend or for a potential client or for a stranger, I just, it's so special and so sacred. So yeah, I hope to do more Tarot readings in the future. If you are curious about the Shoreline coaching program, I would invite you to book a clarity reading, and we can see what unfolds through the cards, and we can also talk about how the Shoreline can kind of support you as you navigate that journey. Even if you're not interested in coaching and you're curious about Tarot, book a reading anyway. There's no obligation. You don't have to move forward with coaching. It's just really, those clarity readings are really a way for me to be able to connect with you and see where you're at and maybe help you along your journey. So truly, if you're feeling called at all, if talking about Tarot really excited you in any way, I would encourage you to book a clarity reading with me. It's super fun. It's low stakes. And you just never know what might happen. So I will put the link in the show notes for where you can book, but you can always go to my website as well, www.kimkogani.com, and you'll find the information there as well. So that's everything I have for you today. Wherever you are, I hope that you take good care while the waves carry you closer. Your next version is already waiting on the shore.
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Welcome to The Shoreline. I'm so happy to be back, sharing and podcasting, and whether you're new or you've been listening since the beginning, since the floating experiment days, I'm just so excited to have you. So thank you for listening. And today, I want to share a little bit more about how The Shoreline came to be. So we'll start, I guess, at the beginning of this year. I remember feeling really like kind of restless in my life, but excited for no immediate changes. And I remember wanting, it was January of this year, January of 2025, and I was really wanting to just kind of get out of my neighborhood, try something new. January in the Pacific Northwest can be kind of a slog. A lot of the days are just gray. The sun doesn't come out. It's rainy. Everyone's kind of staying inside. So I thought it would be fun to just kind of like go on a day trip. So I decided to go to Bainbridge Island, which is just a short ferry ride away from downtown Seattle. And it's a really fun way to just get out and to feel like you're traveling somewhere new without really going very far. And the ferries here are just so fun, so magical. Even just taking the ferry and like going there, coming back is really just quite an experience. So I went to Bainbridge. I was also kind of thinking in the back of my mind, like maybe this is somewhere I might want to explore living someday. Like, I'm happy, I was really happy where I was at, but I was kind of like also thinking about what was next. And I had started kind of making a dream wishlist of like the next place I wanted to live. And one of those like must have wishlist dream items was a view of the water. And I thought it would be maybe more easily attainable somewhere a little bit further out from Seattle and Bainbridge being an island. There's a lot more opportunity to kind of be on the shoreline. So I just wanted to explore it. I remember going and kind of immediately was like, oh no, like it's a really cute place, but not somewhere I really saw myself living. And at the end of the day, when I came home, I remember just feeling like, wow, I really love where I'm at. Like, I'm so grateful for this life I've cultivated for myself. I love my house. I love my routines. And like maybe things don't have to change. Maybe I don't have to think about what's next. And it really wasn't long after that where I was just like so happy to be home. I wanted to really just plant roots and ground where I was at, even more. It's that the townhouse I was living in was, it was the longest place in my adult life I had ever really lived. And that felt really special to me. So I was just like, okay, like this is, this is my sign that I meant to kind of just stay where I'm at. Well, very shortly after, maybe I want to say like a week or so after, I received a letter in the mail from my property management company that they had decided to sell all of the townhomes and I would have to move by the end of May. And that was just so shocking. It like really hit me like pretty deep, especially after the whole last year, all of 2024 was just like so chaotic with, you know, my cat passing away and then adopting a new cat who was pregnant and having ankle surgery, and then my dad going to the hospital. It was just like a lot. And, you know, coming home from Bainbridge felt like, okay, like I can finally like exhale. I'm okay where I'm at. I don't have to wait for the other shoe to drop, and I can just be. And then I get this letter that's like, well, nope, you're moving. And it just was really hard to process. And I had just never experienced that before. Every other place I had rented in my adult life, I got to choose when I left. It was always like, I love it here, but I'm ready for something new. And I would just flow into a new place. And it was always of my choosing. I've never had a landlord or a property management company tell me that I had to leave. So it just felt like almost like a violation of sorts. And I was pretty lost. So I had kind of like a breakdown. I shed some tears. And this is, as a side note, I am chronically on Zillow. I love looking at real estate. I always have, like, I remember being a kid. And my mom and I would just like go to open houses for fun. So that's always been kind of part of who I am. And so I kind of had an idea of what the rental market was like because I was always looking. And I started more seriously looking for myself. And it just felt like every place I was seeing, it felt like a downgrade. And every past move that I had done had been an upgrade from where I was. And I just really, I felt really defeated and really sad. And I was like, I don't want to give up this house. Every other townhouse in the neighborhood was a lot more money than I was paying. And it was not as great. And I felt really like it was important to find another new build. This was the first place that I had ever been the first person to live in it. And I loved that neutral energy feeling. And I was just really struggling with this idea of moving, even though I had already kind of been thinking about moving in the next year or two. So I remember kind of talking to my parents and being like, this, the market here is just atrocious. I don't know what I want to do. And my dad kind of floated the idea to me of like, well, what if you just like looked at what was for sale and you considered buying something? And I had never thought about it because I had never really saw myself being a homeowner in the first place. I had never thought I would commit to a place long enough. And it always had felt like it would be really restrictive and limiting. But when my dad kind of floated the idea to me, I felt myself kind of like relaxed. And I really started to see like, I think I'm done. I think I'm done renting. Like I don't want someone else to decide how long I get to live somewhere. I don't want to renegotiate a lease every year and to kind of think in this year-to-year way. Like I really want to settle in and build my life and this next chapter for myself. So I started to kind of just look around. I really felt strongly that I wanted to stay in relatively the same area. I really love my neighborhood. I love the connections I've built. I love the access to nature, and it's really close to the water. And, yeah, I just really wanted to stay where I was at. And I also really wanted to find a yard for Cauchy, I think, at the same time. Like she, her and I were kind of done with the, like, having to, like, leash up and go outside multiple times a day, like, for bathroom breaks for her. And I just wanted a little bit more ease in my life. So a couple days after I received that letter, I ended up going to an open house. And immediately when I walked in, I just felt so at peace. It was nothing really that was on my wish list. Like, I said that I wanted a new build. This house is 100 years old. But it did have a water view, and it was in the same neighborhood. And yeah, just immediately when I walked in, I was like, I just feel so at peace. It feels really cozy. And it just felt like this was where I was meant to be. So I think it was a Thursday in January that I received the letter that I had to move. I went to the open house on Saturday. And then the following Tuesday, I put in an offer, and it was accepted, which felt super scary, but also very exciting. And then a week later, that next Tuesday, my dad died. And that day was just a crazy day. And I think that'll have to be a story for another time, just talking about what happened and the grief, because that, it really just changed me completely. But the timeline of how everything happened was so quick. And during that time, I had to kind of decide, like, do I still move? Moving in a time of like such deep grief felt very hard, but at the same time, like, I had to move no matter what, and I had found this home that felt so aligned and so perfect. So I went through with the home purchase. I was up in Alaska for most of the closing, and I felt pretty detached from the entire process. I wasn't even, you know, in the same, wasn't in Seattle for most of the closing process. I was up in Alaska, kind of working through putting together my dad's service, being there for my mom, like going through the grieving process. So it was really strange to come back to Seattle after being gone, after having gone through this very intense experience. And I remember coming back to my townhouse, and I just felt terrible. I mean, I felt terrible because I was going through something terrible, but it just didn't feel like a home anymore. And I just started to feel like I was in this freefall of like everything just felt so off, like this place that had been such a sanctuary to me just didn't feel that way anymore, partially because I was so deep in grief and just trying to process losing this really important person in my life. But also going back to that letter, I felt like that sense of security had been taken away from me the moment that they told me that I had to leave. And it almost felt like I had done something wrong even though I hadn't. And what was really crazy about receiving that letter is, I had already received my lease for the next year, and I was getting ready to send it back to them signed, and then to kind of receive that letter saying, I had to leave before I could get the lease back. It just felt like, well, what if I had not taken as much time? Or I was just kind of questioning everything, and I had to pack up and move, and probably the most difficult thing that I've ever been through. But I moved, and I made it into my new house, and that was also just so uncomfortable, like, moving into this new phase. I felt like I hadn't yet had the time to grow into the version of myself that fit living in this home, that fit kind of moving into owning something versus renting. And so, for the first few months, I was really questioning my decision, and just wondering, like, had I made a mistake? Like, everything just felt really... I just felt really raw and vulnerable, and I had nothing to hold onto. I had let go of this place that really felt like home, and that really healed me. I was still in the same area, but I had moved a little bit further out to the point where, like, all of my routines were different. Like, I wasn't just down the street from my coffee shop anymore. It was a little bit longer of a walk. And so, it just felt like so much was different. There was nothing to hold onto, and I had no choice but to really just, like, move through the grief, move through not only the grief of losing such an important person, but also, like, the grief of, like, losing who I once was. Like, my dad dying is such a distinct before and after in my life. And that, I think, is something that's not talked about a lot in grief. And maybe I'll get into that in the future. But there was just a lot happening of, like, just so much grief, so much loss, loss of identity, like, loss of a parent, loss of a sense of security. Like, I was just, like, really going through it. And I had to just kind of, like, let myself. Those first few months were really tough. Like, it really just took everything I had to even, like, get out of bed in the morning. And I just felt like I was going through the motions of life. And I was in a space that didn't really feel like mine yet. I didn't feel like I was ready to take any of this on. Not that you ever are, but I just felt like, oh, this felt like I, like, maybe if I had a couple more years, that maybe I could have been more prepared or something. And it was just really, really challenging. And I knew that I needed support. And so I kind of explored some different avenues of, like, what that could look like and kind of leaning on the different tools I had cultivated over the years. But I felt really called to start working with a leadership coach. And there was someone who I have known for, like, a few years now, and I had actually done a discovery call with her a few years ago, and it didn't work out for us to work together the first time. But I decided to reach out to her on Instagram. She had posted that she was taking new clients. And so I just sent her a message, and I was like, hey, I know we already did a discovery call, but I'm in a completely different place in life, and I want to explore working together again. So I booked a call with her, and we just talked through where I was at, how she could support me. And I just felt like in that call, she so clearly could see who I was becoming and how grief can be this really magical, powerful portal of transformation. And it was right after that discovery call that I took action on developing The Shoreline. I was like, okay, I'm ready to be in service again, maybe go back to work. And I wrote down everything that would be part of like my dream coaching container. And once I did that, I quickly realized like, I think I'm too close to this work, that I need to call in more support. And so I asked my friend Caitlin, who is such a, just a wonderful person, who like really sees and understands me and my work. And she's such a dear friend, but she's also just so magical with words. She's a great wordsmith, and we've worked together in the past. And I knew that like, if I couldn't write this for myself, like she's the person I would want to put this together. So I asked her to do some copywriting for the sales page of my coaching program. And what she gave back to me was just beyond what I was expecting. It was such a gift. And she really put words to everything that I had been thinking about and trying to create. And that's really where The Shoreline was born. And as I kind of went through the process of like marketing and deciding like how I want to like birth this into the world, I started to think about like, really, I think that The Shoreline is... is something bigger than just one-on-one coaching sessions. Like, it really feels like a calling of sorts for me to... to share these in-between seasons of life. Like, I'm... I've grown and changed so much, and I've experienced so much in my life so far. And it's really through these liminal spaces that I... I have learned the most. And I think that it's something that really is just such... It's such a rich time, and there's so much opportunity there that I really want to shed light on... on the in-between seasons of life and what happens when you let go of something that you know is no longer for you without truly knowing what's coming next. And that's... that's a tricky place to be, and that's really what The Shoreline is all about. You know, this podcast has been through a few iterations. We started with The Floating Experiment, where I kind of was like learning to be in flow, connecting back to my intuition. It evolved into The Kim Kogane Show, which was really just exploring more of like a journal style podcast. And here we are now. We're at The Shoreline. I'm still navigating my transition, my in-between space. I'm exploring what is life like with no certainty, which I think is such a huge theme that comes from grieving, where you're like, nothing is certain. We don't know how much time we have left. And I just really want to explore all aspects of transition and in-betweens, whether you're also grieving the loss of a loved one, or maybe you're leaving a career, or you're ending a significant relationship, or you're just shedding an old identity. Like, whatever it is, we're all going to experience this in-between at some point in our lives. And so, yeah, my goal here is really just to share with you, like, what I'm going through, and to explore these different themes. And I hope that you'll continue to listen and follow along. And yeah, maybe it inspires you to kind of look at where you're at in your life, and if you're in an in-between season. So that leads me to kind of what am I doing now? I have my Shoreline offering, which is a private coaching container. So I'm offering one-on-one coaching sessions for people creating. My hope is to create a space for clients to explore, and I'm really going to lead with my intuition. And the goal is for it to be a container that's completely tailored for you. I think in a lot of coaching, it can be like applying the person to the modality. Like you go to a coach for a specific type of training, and as someone who is multi-passionate, I've collected a lot of experiences, I've done a lot of trainings, and I want to fit the modalities to the person, not the other way around. So in this coaching container, it's completely tailored to you and what you're going through. It's a very intuitive approach. I bring in my somatic training, and it's really just a space for you to pause and kind of reflect weekly on where you've been, where you are, and where you're going. So if that's something that's of interest to you, if you're looking for one-on-one support, you can go to my website to learn more about The Shoreline coaching container, and I offer clarity tarot readings as kind of the discovery call. So if you're feeling called just to even see what's next for you, you can book one of those. It's completely free, and I would love to connect with you. So I will leave all of that information in the show notes, and I look forward to going on this journey with you. So thank you so much for listening. I hope that you take good care while the waves carry you closer, and know that your next version is already waiting on the shore.
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Hello and welcome. Today, I want to check in with you and just share what's been going on with me and what's been kind of coming up. So let's get into it. I will say that over the last few weeks, life has felt really heavy for me. There's been lots of different kinds of grief experiences. And this one is definitely familiar, and it's one that can be kind of confusing to navigate because there's not necessarily an outward trigger or something like a memory or like intense sadness necessarily. It's more that I'm just carrying with me this heavy feeling where it just, it's hard to kind of get up and out of bed and everything just feels really hard. And I think it's a combination of grief and grief during a season that can be really family focused and really joy focused. And I'm not really having that experience necessarily. It's also that it's December and where I'm at, it's extremely gloomy and the days are short. The sun sets around 4, 4.30. And so the evenings are just really dark, and it adds to that heavy feeling. So life has been feeling really heavy. I feel like I've just been feeling everything. I kind of feel like I can sense every little bump, every wave, every little energetic blip, and it can be really overwhelming at times. I've definitely, over the last couple of weeks, have found myself feeling frustrated that I'm sensitive and wanting to kind of not feel as much, not feel as deeply. And that can be challenging when you're not able to hold compassion and acceptance for who you are. And there's a lot of gifts that come with sensitivity. And in this physical world, it can be a challenge as well. So I found myself just kind of wanting to check out, or just wishing that I could move through the world, move through my day-to-day without just feeling every little thing. You know, the intensity of being in traffic, or like going to the grocery store and feeling all of the stress and the chaos, or being really sensitive even to like the changes in the weather, and having kind of, you know, flare-ups with my skin. And it just is endless. The feelings are endless. And it's funny that I kind of was wishing that I could feel less, because a few days ago, I went through an experience where I woke up one morning, and I just kind of felt numb and checked out. And that lasted for a few days, where I just felt like not really in my body, and just kind of like, I couldn't really feel anything. Like, I knew that the heaviness was there. I knew that I was not feeling my best, and I also just kind of felt nothing at the same time. And what those few days of numbness taught me is that I don't want to live that way. I don't want to feel nothing, that I actually do want to feel deeply. And that's what it really means to be alive for me, is to just really, really get into the juicy parts of life and feel it all, feel the moon cycles, feel the chaos, feel the joy, the sadness, all of it. And I, when I kind of was able to move through that checked out feeling and kind of come back to this sensitive, deep feeling part of me, I could just see it in such a different way. And I don't know if I will ever kind of wish that I was different again. I feel like it really taught me like, wow, this is, this is in fact like what my soul asked for. And I'm so grateful that I am this way. So that was a little lesson that came to me this week. I think that part of the reason why everything's been feeling heavy and I've kind of just been craving slow, I've been really tired lately and just wanting to move less and just kind of be at home in my cozy safe space. And I think it's really because I'm going through a period of just deep letting go, deep shedding, kind of visiting some old patterns that are holding me back. And when you're going through this big energetic work, you may not have anything, you know, in your day to day, in your outside world, that you can point to as to like why you might be feeling tired, but know that your inner landscape is just as important. And all of this energetic work is, you know, is really important and valuable. And it requires like some deep support and self care, which can look like, you know, slowing down, resting more, just taking time away from the noise and the busyness and the chaos that's around us. And that's really where I'm at right now. I've been really thinking about what patterns in my life are no longer serving me. How do I want to show up as the new year begins, but also kind of as I'm heading into the one-year anniversary of my dad passing away, and these new roles that I may be stepping into, I really want to really be conscious of how I'm showing up to my life going forward. And I think sometimes that requires doing some reflection, looking back, thinking about, okay, like, what don't I want anymore, and how do I want to be? And so this feeling of grief is not just the grief of missing my dad, which I miss him so much. He was and is such an important person to me. So I'm grieving him. I'm grieving our relationship in the physical world. And I'm also grieving the person I used to be and the life that I had before this huge change and shift. And grieving our old identities, our previous versions, is really important. Those patterns we've developed, whatever we let kind of come through, that served us really well and got us to a certain point. And I think that the grieving process is really honoring where you've come from and how you're kind of moving on your journey. And I do think it's really valuable and important to take time to just kind of grieve, maybe that version of yourself or that identity that you used to hold. I remember when I was going through the process of closing my jewelry company, I really, it felt like losing a part of myself. And I really did have to sit and just grieve that and let go of not only what I created but the person it required me to be. And I think throughout that process when I was like journaling, I did, I wrote kind of like a eulogy for that part of me, and I really wanted to honor her. And I think that can be really cathartic and a great way to kind of release and to capture that moment in time. This time around, as I kind of let go, it feels a little bit more nuanced. There is that very distinct before and after with my father's death, but also the changes. Some of the changes came really quickly and intensely. But also there's kind of this more nuanced shifting that's happening. It almost feels kind of like the tide, the tide coming in or going out, and you're just getting those little waves. And slowly, you know, the water gets closer and closer to the shore, or slowly it moves further and further away from the shore. And that's kind of the phase that I feel like I'm in right now of like, little things will pop up and be here for a moment, and I kind of can work through it and lay it to rest, and then the next thing will pop up. And I know that all of these patterns coming up, all of these experiences are shaping me into this, whatever this next version of me that's unfolding. One of the biggest pieces I'm being called to let go of is really my ego and this sense that my value is placed on what I do or what I achieve. And that is something that has been driving me for forever, for as long as I can remember. And it feels both really right and true to let that go. And I can recognize that that mechanism isn't serving me anymore. I will not get to where I want to go by doing more, hustling, busying myself, giving more. That's just not where I'm going. I really, in this next version, want to, one, see myself as my own person and see that I am in hold, that I am just inherently worthy as I am. And it doesn't matter, you know, what I achieve, if I have a really amazing, flashy career, or if I don't do anything. And so that's what I've been, one of the things I've been really working through is just kind of letting go of this idea of like, hustle, do more, create more, push more, make things go faster. And I'm trying to just settle in and say to myself, you know, hey, success is just doing what you love and showing up to the projects and the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. So that's kind of what I'm wanting to take with me as we move forward is just this idea of living really richly, of showing up to what's important to me, and letting go of this proving, achieving energy. Because to be honest with you, it's pretty exhausting, and I don't recommend it. I think, too, that focusing on achieving and doing and producing and creating, it doesn't really align with the desire to live on a deeper level, to experience all of the deep, juicy feelings. Like those two things cannot really coexist. That hustling, achieving energy, to me, feels very surface level, which is, you know, I'm not placing a judgment by saying it's surface level or superficial at all. It is one way of being, and I know that my path is to dive deeper. And it's so, just so magical and aligned that it's coming up now. So a little bit of a tangent. Every year, I do a tarot spread around my birthday, where I pick a card for each month, and then a card that represents the overall theme of the year for me. And I looked last week at what my card was for the month of December. And it's the whale card from the Wild Unknown deck, which I love that deck so much. It's a really approachable way to enter into tarot. And I just love all of the animals and descriptions. The author has also put in kind of what it looks like when this card is in balance, what it looks like when the energy is out of balance, and how you can bring it into balance. And so last week, I looked at what my card was, just being like, oh, I wonder what's for December. And I pulled the whale card, which is all about this desire to dive deeper. It's about finding kind of profound peace and tapping into ancient wisdom. And in the description, it talks about kind of not being afraid of emotional expression or traversing difficult circumstances or needing to overcome challenges. It's this card that holds like a deep wisdom and a deep peace and doesn't fear the future or difficulty. And it just has this beautiful calm and power to it. And I just thought, wow, like, this is so timely. It feels like this is exactly where I'm at and what I'm craving. And I just love when I get those little reassurances, that, yes, there is something outside of myself that I'm connected to that is guiding me. And also with this card to bring into balance, it says regular self-care, which is exactly what I've been talking about and said that that's kind of what is needed right now for me while I navigate all of this heaviness. So it just felt like that card really just tied everything up in a neat little bow, and yeah, that's kind of, that's my update for you. I'll leave you with a few reflections that I'm taking with me in case you might find them helpful. So the first one is everything you're feeling has value. Whatever it is that's coming up for you, it's meant to, and it's valuable, and so important to feel it. So it's okay to take time to just feel your feelings. The second one is connection is everywhere. I think when we allow ourselves to be open, we may find that there's connection in unexpected places. You might have a really nice conversation with someone at the grocery store, or you might run into a neighbor, or you might feel really connected to nature on your walk or whatever it is. Just know that there's opportunity for connection everywhere. And the last one is you're always moving forward. Even when you don't think you are, every experience, every moment is propelling you forward on your path. So just know that and trust that. And if you'd like to explore the themes coming into your life or you need some support navigating an in-between season, I just invite you to consider the Shoreline Sessions. So the Shoreline Sessions are a private coaching container where we meet weekly for six months as you navigate your next becoming. The greatest transformation often comes from subtle shifts in perspective, getting curious about what may lie beneath the surface, and having the space to regularly check in with your inner landscape. So if any of this resonates with you, I would encourage you to schedule a clarity reading with me. You can find more information about the Shoreline Sessions and how to book a clarity reading on my website at kimkogane.com. That's www.kimkogane.com. And lastly, if you're enjoying the Shoreline podcast, I would invite you to leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. This will help more people find the Shoreline, and it helps me feel more connected to you. So thank you so much for being here, and I hope you take good care while the waves carry you closer. Your next version is already waiting on the shore.

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Kim Kogane is a writer and intuitive guide helping you navigate the tender in-between seasons. She lives in Seattle, Washington with her dog, Cauchy, and three cats. Learn more about Kim.

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Choosing Depth Over Hustle: A Reflection On Grief, Identity, And The Quiet Work Of Becoming

Episode 05: Choosing Depth Over Hustle

Episode Summary

Episode Transcript

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The Stories That Carried Me Through: Letting Go Of An Old Identity And Starting Anew

Choosing The Path That Feels True: How Grief Deepened My Connection To My Purpose

NOTES FROM THE SHORELINE