Choosing Gratitude Over Guilt: Letting Go Of Effort To Make Space For Ease
Episode 27: Choosing Gratitude Over Guilt
This episode explores a shift in myself from needing to effort and work hard in order to achieve my goals to making space for expansion and ease. I share my vision of self-publishing my novel and how I let go of my narrow view of only wanting to follow a traditional publishing path which created more excitement around bringing my novel into the world. I talk about what I’m currently working through and how I’m focused on living in a more effortless, intuitive, and joyful way.
Episode Details
Summary
In this episode, I’m reflecting on what it means to hold grief and joy at the same time. After closing a meaningful coaching chapter and moving into a deeper integration of grief, I’ve been noticing how closely joy and sadness can exist beside one another.
I share about being a guest on The Spiritual Safe House podcast and what it felt like to revisit the days surrounding my dad’s passing. Telling that story brought many emotions back to the surface, but it also opened the door to new insight and possibility.
During a conversation with the host, I received a nudge to explore self-publishing my novel. What once felt like a path I hadn’t considered now feels expansive, creative, and deeply aligned with my desire to retain ownership of my work. I also reflect on the recurring presence of the book Signs and what it might mean for my path of helping others connect with loved ones who have passed.
This episode also explores my relationship with effort, earning, and the belief that work must feel difficult in order to be valuable. I’m learning to let work feel more like play, to allow my days to be good, and to meet joy with gratitude instead of guilt.
This is an invitation to welcome every emotion as it arrives. Grief, joy, fear, excitement, and possibility can all belong in the same room. You do not have to make life harder to deserve what is beautiful.
Listen to my conversation on The Spiritual Safe House:
Please Give a Warm Welcome to Kim Kogane, Writer and Intuitive Guide
This episode is for you if…
You’re curious about how to communicate with the Universe and love ones who have passed
You’re experiencing grief and looking for support as you navigate emotionally complex landscapes
You’re an over-achiever who’s ready to expand and find more joy and ease
You’re a writer thinking about self-publishing
You’re curious about Human Design and want to learn about how you can use it to find more alignment and ease in your life
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Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen, we don't rush, we allow. Hello and welcome to today's episode. If you're new here, I'm so glad that you've made your way to The Shoreline. Welcome, and if you're returning, welcome back. I'm so happy to have you here. Last week, I spoke about my grief journey, about closing the coaching container that I was working with, the leadership coach, and just how I'm moving toward a place of deeper integration with my grief, and carrying it along with me as part of my identity, and just how I'm moving forward with clarity, not certainty, so not knowing exactly what's to come, but letting my intuition, my inner wisdom, guide me. And this last week has been really just a deeper week of sitting with grief, but also sitting with joy. So it's just been an interesting juxtaposition of both grief and sadness and joy. And joy really is wrapped into grief because grief really comes from love. You know, loving a person you lost, maybe you're grieving a relationship and there was a lot of love there. So grief really is present because of something that you cared about deeply. And so joy really is wrapped into that. After I recorded last week's episode, I was able to sit down and I was a guest on another podcast called The Spiritual Safe House. And it's hosted by an intuitive and that experience was super interesting. I felt like I really was reliving the days leading up to my dad's passing, the day that he died and what happened after. And in telling my story, all of those emotions really came to the surface again. I remember after the recording, just feeling a little bit of an emotional hangover, which I think is very normal. It's not anything bad. And I was really grateful for the experience and the ability to go back and really share my story. And so that is live. I will put a link in the show notes, if you're interested in listening to that. But I wanted to also just talk about, I had a pre-call with the host, and just to see if it wasn't a line fit on both sides and kind of just to gauge what we might want to speak about. And that pre-recording call was just such a blessing. She is such a gifted intuitive. And a lot of messages came forward for me. What came up was kind of my writing journey. And she was like, you're a writer, like you have a book. And I was like, yes, I'm currently working on my first novel and really wanting to focus on that. And in my mind, I had kind of pre-decided that I wanted to go the traditional publishing route. I didn't see self-publishing as an option for me. I'm not really sure why, but that's just how I felt. And she brought forward, she was like, you need to look into self-publishing. Have you thought about it? And I was like, no, I'm really just in the drafting phase. Like I haven't really thought about it yet. And she was just like, well, it's time to start. And she planted that seed. And since then, I've been really sitting with that. And there's been a pretty big shift that's happened for me internally of like, really wanting and feeling strongly about wanting to get an agent and query and go the traditional publishing route to seeing self-publishing as something with a lot of possibility and expansion to it. And it makes a lot of sense. As a creative and an artist, I've always felt really strongly about having ownership of my work. It's, I think, why I've never really been drawn to being a content creator on social media or having something like a sub stack. I always wanted to have ownership of what I've created, which is why I have this podcast. It's why I blog and put things on my own website, because I just feel like I want to have complete control over my work. And when I really started thinking about it, I was like traditional publishing doesn't really align with that desire, but self-publishing feels really exciting to think that anything could happen. And so I've been just really sitting with that idea and so much has been flowing to me. I'm still in the drafting phase, so who knows when my novel will actually make it out into the world. But I've just been feeling a new level of excitement of there's no fear anymore. I feel like I used to really feel just insecure or worried of like, okay, like when you query, there's a lot of rejection and feeling judged. And it just felt really heavy. And like it would require a lot of effort from me. And when I think about self-publishing, I get really excited. I think about all the local bookstores in Seattle that I could reach out to and all the events I could have. I think about bringing my novel to the knit night that I go to at my local yarn store and giving them to friends and family and sharing it here. And it just feels so much more exciting to be able to really control the presentation of the book, the cover, how you get to read it. And so it's something that I never really expected for myself, but here I am just like feeling so excited and dreaming about it. And I just feel so grateful to have met with this intuitive and for her to have brought it up because I don't think that I would have got there on my own. So that was really fun. Another little interesting tidbit that came forward was this book called Signs. And this is not the first time that this book has made its way to me. I think when it was first released, maybe I downloaded a sample of the audiobook. And it's always just been in my sphere, but I've never read it. I've glossed over it, but it just keeps coming back to me. Multiple people have asked me if I've read it. And I've talked a lot about receiving signs and this intuitive brought it up. And she was like, this book is really coming to me, and I just feel compelled to share it with you. And the book Signs really is all about how we are able to connect to loved ones who have passed and how we can use signs as a method of communication, which is something that I've intuitively done. And that's one of the main ways that I feel connected to my dad. We have little signs that I receive, and it just feels really, really special. And it's something that I've intentionally asked for. And so she was like, I really see this as part of your path of helping other people connect to their loved ones through signs. And so yeah, it's been, it's interesting. I'm not sure that that path forward isn't quite as clear as the novel self-publishing, but I'm really excited just to explore that and maybe listen to the audiobook and kind of see what's there for me. Because I do really believe in the power of signs and connecting to our surroundings. And I see aligned numbers all the time and they tend to be like more present as I'm like, as something big is coming, I'll just see like aligned numbers everywhere. I think I've mentioned when I spoke about kind of my connection to football and the Seahawks and my dad, and how I see a lot of signs surrounding that. So we'll see what unfolds there. But there was a lot of just beautiful wisdom that came through and I'm just so grateful again for that experience. So if you're curious about what our conversation was like, again, you can go to the Spiritual Safe House podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts. I will also leave a link in the show notes so that you can listen. Another theme that's been coming up for me in the last week, as I closed that coaching container, as I kind of find deeper integration with my grief, what's come forward is this pattern or this tendency for myself to need to effort, to earn, and to hustle for things. I think that it's such an easy pattern to be part of in our society, in our culture, it's very much that you work hard and you earn what you work for and that's how it's done. And there's really an aversion to letting things be easy, letting them be simple. And I've been really focusing on simplicity in my life. And it's interesting, I feel really ready to let go of this pattern of needing to earn my, whether it's earn money or earn, you know, freedom or joy or my house or whatever it is, like really letting go of that earning, efforting, hustling mentality and trying to do something, you know, as I work and building my career and building, again, after letting go of my jewelry company, it's really building in a new way. And I think that the lesson that's been coming forward for me is just really learning to receive more joy and allow my days to be good. There are enough challenges and obstacles that appear naturally in life. We don't really need to create artificial obstacles for ourselves. And I think that's really been a personal lesson for me of really just allowing myself to live in a more effortless, intuitive, and joyful way. And I think this has been really coming forward when it comes to career specifically, because work is not meant to feel like work. In my human design, I've talked about this before. I'm a generator. I'm really supposed to focus on what lights me up, what is exciting, and anything that kind of leads to that waking up with dread or not wanting to do something is really just a misalignment. And so that really goes against everything that I think we're kind of taught. And not having a traditional nine to five job, it's really hard to kind of allow myself to feel joy and excitement when it comes to work. I'll feel that spark with an idea, or like I mentioned, like self-publishing, for example. And then I'll just create all of these obstacles and be like, well, I have to do all these tasks. And I have this belief that you have to do things you don't want to do. And that's what it means to work and earn money. And that's the only way. And I'm really being asked to let go of that. And to let work feel like play and to allow myself to really have good days. And there's some guilt that comes through with that. Not only the guilt of just like feeling good with grief. I think that can be really a little complex web of emotions there of like, you want your days to feel good, but then you feel guilt for feeling good without this person who was so important in your life because they're not here. But also, I think there's more guilt that's coming through for me of like, feeling like, oh my gosh, like work should feel hard. It should feel painful. It shouldn't feel like joyful play. And yet, it does like, as I'm sitting here and sharing with you, I was just thinking like, oh my gosh, like today is like my favorite day. I woke up, I went and worked out, I came back and I wrote an email. And now I'm sitting here with you and I'm like, I just felt so much excitement of like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to sit down and talk to you. And it's really like become such a highlight to my week. And then there was like this heaviness that came through of like, should I be feeling this excited? Like it feels kind of weird to be feeling like a weekday is more like a weekend and to allow like the good in. But I think that's really just, it's a challenge that I'm moving through. And I'm learning that there are so many natural challenges and obstacles. We don't need to seek them out. And it's okay to feel lightness and joy and to more, instead of feeling guilty about it, I really want to feel gratitude. I am so grateful for what has come to me and what I've created for myself. And I'm so grateful for my dad and all of the support that he gave me to get me to this place. And having such a stable anchor, I think really is what brought me to where I am now. And yeah, I just want to look at it with gratitude, not guilt. And so letting go of that like, oh, I should be focusing on this or it should be harder for me. I want to say like, I'm just so glad that I'm here and I get to talk to you and share. And I hope that you find value in what I'm sharing. But also it just feels really, really special. And it fills my cup to share what I'm going through in hopes that there is some wisdom coming through. And it is really a trust the process of just like sharing. And I'm not sure what you'll take from this, but I just hope that hearing my words, listening to what I'm going through will help you feel less alone, and that's really my intention. And so again, I'm just trying to work through of like letting myself receive more joy. And when I feel that joy present, really just like take it in and take it in from a place of gratitude. As much as I take in all of the other emotions, I always come back to my favorite poem, The Guest House by Rumi. It's one that I think about a lot, and it's really just about like knowing that all of your emotions are temporary guests. You don't know how long they're going to be with you for, but to just treat them all well, to really like welcome them in as guests, as you would welcome someone into your home and be with them, and be really present with whoever is present, whether it's joy or sadness or guilt or fear or anger or an excitedness. Like whichever emotion is really present, and maybe there's more than one, just like being with them all equally and treating them with so much presence and just gratitude. And so that's really what I've been working on, is just how can I really, really take in the joy and honor the complexity of this grief that is now part of who I am. Because again, like the grief is there, it's an integrated part of me now and it will forever be there. And I think it will always be present, especially when I'm experiencing joy. And just to feel grateful for it as well. That's where I'm at, really just wanting to allow my days to be good. I'm really excited about the projects I'm working on, working on my novel, working on this podcast and sharing resources for you. And also just creating space for clients. I really am excited to support whoever shows up and needs my support through the Shoreline private sessions. If that's something you're interested in, you can always go to my website to find out more information. But I'm just really excited to see how everything unfolds. And outside of work, I'm really just so excited about knitting. I think I've mentioned it on here before, but it is such a joyful craft for me. And also, it's brought me so much community. And that's kind of what I spend most of my time doing when I'm not spending time with my dog, Koshi. And now that the weather's getting nicer, it's time to be spending more time outside. So I'm really excited just to be in nature, to lean into simplicity. And that's kind of where I'm at. I hope that you are taking something away from this episode, and I just kind of wanted to continue to update you on where I'm at and what I'm going through. And so that's what I have for you today, friend. I hope that you take good care while the waves carry you closer and know that your next version is already waiting on the shore.
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Kim Kogane is a writer and intuitive guide helping you navigate the tender in-between seasons. She lives in Seattle, Washington with her dog, Cauchy, and three cats. Learn more about Kim.
