The Path That Was Meant To End: Exploring The Idea Of Alignment And Releasing Old Identities
Episode 19: The Path That Was Meant to End
This episode explores the idea of alignment and how sometimes alignment isn’t about ease or finding flow. I share my experience of returning to a past version of myself by teaching Pilates and how that choice allowed me to release an old identity and what no longer fit for me. Sometimes our path includes a dead end in order to help shift our perspective and understanding to realign with what is most true.
Episode Details
Summary
In this episode, I’m reflecting on a recent experience that challenged my understanding of alignment. We often think of alignment as something that feels easy, flowing, and forward moving, but sometimes it leads us down a path that ultimately comes to an end. And that, too, can be part of the process.
I share my journey of returning to teaching through Pilates after stepping away from being a barre instructor. What initially felt aligned and supported quickly shifted into something that no longer felt true. Even with external validation and positive feedback, I found myself feeling drained, disconnected, and out of alignment with how I wanted to spend my time.
Through this experience, I realized that the lesson wasn’t to push through or prove something to myself. The real growth came from recognizing when something was no longer right and having the courage to walk away. Choosing to leave, even when I was close to finishing what I started, became an act of self-trust and self-respect.
I also reflect on how revisiting this path gave me the closure I didn’t have before. Without stepping back into that role, I might have always wondered if I had made the wrong choice. Instead, I now feel a deep sense of clarity and peace, along with a renewed appreciation for the space and rhythm of my life as it is now.
This episode is for you if…
You’re stuck in a life transition and not sure what’s next
You’re ready to let something go, but are unsure of what will come next
You’re in a season that feels difficult and keep asking yourself “why”
You’re letting go of old identities that no longer fit who you are and who you want to become
You want to create more self-trust and self-respect within yourself but aren’t sure how
Related Episodes
-
Welcome to The Shoreline, where we explore the tender in-between seasons of the human experience. My name is Kim, and I'm here to support you as you navigate your next becoming. Here, we don't fix, we listen. We don't rush, we allow. Hello, and welcome to today's episode. I'm really excited to be here with you today, and I want to talk about alignment. And sometimes alignment can look like going down paths that end up being dead ends, and that's a really important part of the process. And this is something that happened to me recently, so I want to just get into it, because I think a lot of times we speak about alignment in a very, like, flowy kind of way of, like, if something is aligning, then it's easy and it's flowing, and you're moving forward, and there are no obstacles, and that's really just not the case sometimes. Like, sometimes things will flow, and then you go down a path, and it becomes a dead end, and you turn around and kind of have to choose a different path to walk down. That is really important, as I said, and it's a great learning experience, and sometimes we need those dead end paths to kind of redirect us and help us reprioritize and get clarity on what's actually important to us. So I'll get into my story and what happened to me. If you've been following my journey for a little while now, you know that I used to be a bar instructor, and that was I think from 2021 to 2023, I believe. Anyway, it was something at the time that was really important to me. It's what helped me feel grounded in the community. I had really great relationships with my clients. The studio was down the street from where I lived, and I got to see people out and about in the neighborhood. And it's something that brought me a lot of joy until it didn't. And in the fall of 2023, basically, my body was giving me signals that it was time to cut back or step away. And in the fall of 2023, it just became something that was no longer doable for me. My body was just kind of giving out on me, and then I injured my ankle and had surgery and wasn't able to ever go back to teaching. And I always felt like there was a really abrupt end there. And there was part of me that, as much as I knew it was the right decision to walk away, I missed it, I missed that community, and it just felt like there wasn't closure there. And so, in the fall of 2024, I started doing a Pilates teacher training certification. Pilates was something that I really fell in love with while I was rehabbing my ankle injury, and it felt really aligned and just like, kind of like the next level deeper from bar. So, I started my teacher training in the fall of 2024, and then at the beginning of 2025, my dad passed away, and I kind of just had to like let that go. And so, it was on pause for a little while, and I went back and forth trying to decide like, is this something I want to go back and finish? Am I like content just to let it be? And I let it be for a while, up until earlier this year, and it just kept coming back to me, and I felt that that pull to want to teach again, to want to be part of a community, and wanting just to feel really rooted where I am here in Seattle, and so as Flow would have it, I was able to audition at a studio, and I secured a job as an apprentice, so I could teach group classes while I finished my hours to be able to take the test and get my certification. A comprehensive Pilate certification is, it's a lot of work. It's a 500-hour certification. You have to do training modules. You do practice hours. You do observation hours. You do personal practice. And then at the end, you have to do a written exam, a practical exam, and then teaching a private session to someone. So there's a lot of work involved. And so I was able to get a job at a studio here, and that was going to allow me to teach regularly to finish my practice teaching hours, and get that experience I needed to take the test. And funny enough, all of this happened during Mercury Retrograde, and I signed the contract to start my position right in the middle of the retrograde. And I had like a knowing of like, okay, like this is a retrograde, like normally, you know, it's you try not to sign contracts or start new things because a retrograde is really about, you know, reflecting on the past and going inward. I had that moment of like, oh, this is interesting, but I didn't want to delay the process. And so I like did all of the onboarding and I started teaching and I realized that I hated it. I went from, you know, feeling kind of like a little bit stuck in my life and wanting to know like, what's next? What's next? How can I move forward to just like absolutely dreading the week? The days that I needed to teach, I just felt like, how am I going to get through this day? And there was nothing wrong with the studio. All of the clients were great. I was getting lots of positive feedback and validation, and I thought that would help me feel better. But in fact, it just made me feel worse. I felt very much like an imposter. You know, having all of these people give me compliments and validation and want to take my classes and want me to be there more when I didn't want to be there at all. And so I had to really sit with that, and I was at the yarn store knitting one day, and I was like, I'm counting down the minutes until I have to go teach and I have to be a person, and I really just want to like savor this time. And the owner of the yarn store just looked at me, and she was like, I think you have the wrong job. And I thought to myself, like, she's not wrong, and why am I doing this? And so, yeah, I went and I taught that day, and I taught more classes after that. And then I really had time over the weekend after I taught to really just sit with that feeling of dread, what I wanted, and really I needed to get clear on how I was feeling and what I realized is that the time I was spending teaching these classes, I was resenting that because I wanted to spend my time on other things. It felt like it was taking away from my time and my ability to do Pilates for myself. It felt like it was taking away from time to write, to spend time with new friends and develop new relationships. And so I realized that, yes, I think it's just something that's not for me. And it felt like a really difficult decision to make. I'm so close to finishing my certification, and it felt almost like getting all the way through university, and you're in your final semester of your senior year, and then you just walk away and don't finish it. So I just spent time with it, and over the weekend, I was on a walk, and I just had this moment of like, I think it's time. I think I need to just walk away. And I think that one of the gifts that grief really offers you is that you realize that time is really precious, and you do have a limited amount of time here. And I just felt like, I do feel like in general, like there's no time to waste, and I want to live my life in the best way possible. And this role of being an instructor is not spending my time wisely. And also, I'm sure that there is someone out there who's really just dying to have that opportunity, and I'm not that person. And it's really interesting because the lesson for me really wasn't sticking it out. I think that honestly, the easier thing for me would be to just stay in a job that I didn't like and just kind of like suffer and give and tell myself a story about how everyone needs me to do this, even though I hate it, until my body gave out and I had to quit. And the growing edge, the growth opportunity for me here, was to walk away and to say like, I'm putting myself first and I'm going to go out and pursue what brings me joy and what's going to light me up. And so that's what I did. I put in my notice and I walked away and I have no regrets. I feel so at peace with my decision. I actually went to a Pilates class the other day and I was so excited to just be there and be a client. And I wasn't thinking about like becoming an instructor or what the instructor was doing. I just let myself enjoy the class and enjoy like supporting my body and moving and walking away gave me a new sense of excitement and devotion to what is really important to me. I think part of why I wanted to step into the role of teaching was to kind of get out of the house. I work from home and I work online quite a bit. And I wanted to do something like in person. And I realized that, you know, the space in my life, the solitude is really there for a reason. And it's it's supporting these things that are really important to me and filling my time and filling my schedule with these things that feel kind of distracting are taking away from that. And so it really took me like going all in and living this, this life of having a more full schedule of going and teaching these classes and feeling just I would just feel so drained after. And I didn't have any time to really do anything that I wanted to do because I just felt so depleted. On the other side of that, I just feel like I see my life completely differently, and I'm just so grateful for everything that I have. And I have this renewed excitement and inspiration. And this, this whole time this week has been really, really fruitful and just like really lovely with all of the space I have. I'm currently in transition, so I'm transitioning out of teaching Pilates. And so I have this week in particular, I just had a little bit more space and it felt really nice. The sun is out. It's feeling really springy here. I've had the opportunity to go on daytime walks and I just feel so much lighter and better. And I can now really put to rest this chapter of my life. And I'm so grateful for it. I'm so happy that I learned how to teach bar, how to hold space in a room, and how to be a leader in that sense. And it was a really important part of my becoming. And now I feel like I'm moving into something new. And this dead-end path really felt like it was important. I needed that closure. If I hadn't really gone back to being an instructor, I would have always just wondered, like, what if? Or did I miss it? Did I make a mistake? And now I know for certain that I'm ready to move on. And I think that a past version of me would have seen this as taking a step back or, yeah, moving backwards. But I really see it as an important part of growing and moving forward. Sometimes we need the opportunity to, like, revisit something and really give it closure. And that's part of what a Mercury Retrograde is about. And so now I can see that it was, in fact, like, really great timing that I, you know, did all of my onboarding and I signed my contract during Mercury Retrograde, because this was something that was meant to be here for a short time. And it was, you know, a little obstacle put in my way to really redirect me. And I would say that this opportunity was really aligned. And that's kind of what I was saying at the beginning, is that something can be aligning for you, and it can be an obstacle. It doesn't always look flowy. This opportunity was really flowy. Everything was super easy. I had all of the support I needed. Everything was really went into place quickly and easily. And yet, this was an obstacle for me to overcome, and it was meant to be something that, you know, shifted me and moved me in a different direction. And now I'm working on a new offering that I'm super excited about. It's probably the offering that I'm most excited about. And yeah, it just feels really fun to dive into that and to dream and imagine what it's going to look like and feel really energized to start writing again. And I have a new sense of gratitude for my life that is a little bit quieter right now. I think that the era of teaching was a different time in my life. I was living in a different place, in a different house. I wanted to be busier and out and about, and now a lot has changed, right? And I'm really focused on different things. I'm prioritizing space and peace, and my house is really quiet, and that really supports me and my creativity. And I need that. I need that time to just kind of daydream. I need to be able to go on a walk and just like, let my mind wander because that's when I'm most open to receiving those ideas that want to come to me. And I wouldn't be able to receive them being in a room, trying to teach, you know, 12 people and keep 12 people safe and moving. That's just a different frequency. And so I wonder for you if there's something in your life that maybe has been put in place as an obstacle for you to overcome, and how can you maybe hold it out and look at it a little bit differently and really think about, you know, what am I being called to learn here? Much like my decision to walk away from teaching, it wasn't clear at first. It felt like, oh, I just need to stick this out until I realized that my growing edge was to prioritize myself and walk away. Things are not always as they first appear. So can you take time and maybe hold what you're looking at, you know, out in front of you and think like, okay, what feels like the thing that I've done over and over and what is the new opportunity here? What is the thing that makes me a little bit uncomfortable and a little bit scared, but in a way that will bring you relief or renewal on the other side, right? Like fear can be something that is like, it's just information. It's just communication. And you know in your body when it's like, oh, I fear this, and this is the not right for me versus like, this is scary in a way that I want it. And it's a good thing. And so it's really important to, to take whatever situation you're in, whatever obstacle you have in front of you, and just really hold it out and look at it from a new perspective. And then really tune into your innate wisdom and the wisdom of your body, because your body always knows. If you can really tune in, it will give you all of the answers you need. And so that's, that's what I have for you today. And I hope that you found this helpful or interesting. And I just invite you to, to really view these paths that might lead to a dead end in a different way. They're, they're always supporting your growth and your transformation and your becoming. And it might not feel like it at first, but I promise you that alignment can look like going down paths and then having to turn around. And so that's what I have for you. And I hope that you take good care while the waves carry you closer and know that your next version is already waiting on the shore.
If you’re feeling stuck in the foggy middle and exhausted from having to always “figure it out” alone, I want to invite you to…
Explore The Shoreline Private Sessions to find aligned support as you navigate a significance life transition
Connect to your north star using my FREE Intention Setting Worksheet
Use my tips on how to get unstuck when you’re feeling unsure of your next step
Learn about my favorite tool for self-reflection and how it change your life
Kim Kogane is a writer and intuitive guide helping you navigate the tender in-between seasons. She lives in Seattle, Washington with her dog, Cauchy, and three cats. Learn more about Kim.
